Contains triggers so if they may trigger you please don't read
I know its coming. If there was a bed there it would have today. I hate that they want you to call for help when you need it yet at the same time the moment you do you aren't coping & need to be hospitalised. It leave me feeling like I have nowhere left to turn.
The cutting has gotten completely out of control again. I constantly need to feel the blade slicing through the flesh. To see the blood dripping from the cuts. Each cut a bit deeper than the last, maybe testing just how deed I can go. It does good though. Each cut momentarily takes away the suicidal thoughts, interrupts the plans I'm continually making.
I knew as soon as I got the call this morning to go & see m psych that it was on the cards. It always is when you get that phone call, particularly when they are arranging for someone to pick you up. I don't want to end up there yet again but at the same time it is a safe haven, the only place that I actually feel safe.
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